You exist, but you are nothing like what you think you are.
I assure you there is no soul. And no spirit.
And you are powerless.
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The most crucial step, the most critical step, and the most difficult step, is to realize that you have no power over anything. That the Creator of all this has all power, and you have none.
The idea that an all-powerful Creator gave us, his creations, Self-Will, that we can act against the will of that which created us, is untrue and illogical. This idea must be dispelled if one is to move towards the truth, towards enlightenment.
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Meditation will not lead you to Enlightenment, but it will probably lead you to clearer communication with that inner voice which is your guide. If it is your destiny to become Enlightened then you will, although that is unlikely.
You do not “Get on with your life”. Rather, life gets on with you!
Do not judge your journey. It is exactly the right one for you. Although I am sure you will judge it. We all do.
When we judge anything, or complain about anything, we are saying that we know better than God/The Creator. This would make a good definition of “Arrogance”.
You cannot fully understand yourself, because yourself is dependent on God, and you trying to understand God is like a Tesla Car trying to understand Elon Musk: It is not going to happen.